‘I have never met these people, she just calls it "adopting" them’: Entitled estranged mother demands bride-to-be invite pseudo-family members, prompting the bride to set boundaries for her wedding

Author image for Etai Eshet
Etai Eshet • Editor
Apr 8, 2025 7:00 PM EDT

Generally, when someone wonders aloud if they're being a bridezilla, the answer is usually a resounding yes. Planning a wedding has a way of awakening the inner beast in even the sweetest souls, turning ordinary humans into raging tablecloth-hoarding dinosaurs. But this time? This time, we might have a rare exception. The bride in question isn't the one stomping around like a prehistoric menace—it's her mom. Honestly, if her mother isn't hiding a pair of leathery wings under that shawl, I'll be shocked. And let's be real, any time she coughs, I wouldn't be surprised if a little soot comes out.

Here's the situation: this bride has been accused of showing her dino side, but all she wants is a wedding filled with love, happiness, and, you know, people she actually knows. Her mom? She's busy recruiting extras. Specifically, her "adopted" pseudo-family, kids and acquaintances she's decided to bring along like they're the bridal party nobody asked for.

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  • To her credit, the bride tried to keep things reasonable. She set a few boundaries, like no decorating the venue, no VIP seating, and minimal mingling. But somehow, this earned her the bridezilla label. Let’s be clear, though, if anyone’s roaring and stomping over boundaries, it’s Momzilla. Maybe someone should remind her whose wedding this actually is. Or just throw a bucket of water on her, in case things heat up or whatever worked in the monster movie.

  • "Am I a Bridezilla or justified for wanting rules for certain guests?"

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  • ORIGINAL POST: I have talked to my grandparents and they will help me pay for the whole wedding if needed. I have a good job and can pay. My grandparents are neutral in this so they are talking to my mom as a neutral party in this. Jill and her
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  • kids are no longer invited. My mom did cry when she received the news, so I feel bad for her. However, I think this is best for them and for me. My fears of
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  • being unfair are justified. It is unfair to invite people, especially children, to an event where they will feel unwelcome. Thanks for giving me the strength to find a way to say no.
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  • Hi everyone! My wedding is in November, and I've been given a max guest list of 150 people. To clarify, my mom and grandma are generously splitting the cost to help make this day special. We're
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  • all on the same page, and after careful consideration, we've decided to invite only close family and friends — people from both sides of the family or those who
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  • the groom and I are personally close to. For some context I will go into some non-wedding details. I promise this context is important so hold tight!
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  • My mom had me in her early 20s, and my father relinquished his rights to me. I was mostly raised by my grandparents and saw my mom infrequently. My mom says this was because my
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  • grandparents wanted to raise me, and I preferred their company. My grandparents, on the other hand, say it was because she expected me to be an adult the moment I could walk. Regardless
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  • of the reason, I didn't spend much time with her and often dreaded the few moments I did have to be with her or even call her. She would frequently yell at me, insult me, and if I got injured, she would leave me to tend to my
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  • own wounds. She handled my basic expenses but wasn't present much otherwise. Eventually, she married a man I'll refer to as Mac, who was kind, though I didn't spend much time with him either. Over time, this only meant I saw her even less.
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  • Unfortunately, Mac passed two years ago and she was heart broken. He was a nice guy and may he rest in peace. At the funeral she introduced me to two couples whom she called her
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  • "Adult Children". They had children whom she called her grandchildren because she wasn't sure if I would ever find someone and have children of my own. About a year ago in her sorrow she began dating a young
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  • coworker of Macs and met his ex- wife. Let's call the coworker Bob and the ex-wife Jill. Jill and Bob have two kids together a young 7 year old boy and about a 11 year old girl. Jill also has a 15 year old step-daughter. My mom has
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  • gotten attached to these kids. They call her all the time and she goes out of her way to pick them up and spend time with them. They even get special birthday dinners with her.
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  • I am sure you know where this is going by now. I met my special someone and we are planning our wedding. My mom paid for my wedding dress and then when we were alone begged me to invite Jill and the 3 kids even
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  • though she broke up with Bob. She wants me to get to know them but I declined. I said they can attend but I have specified rules. This may be where I am the bridezilla.
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  • Rules: If they make a racket or cause issues my mom has to talk to them about it
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  • They cannot help with decorating the venue. My family members are decorating the venue (including flowers) which is important to me. I want to walk down the aisle knowing my family worked together to bring my day together. Which is what we have always done as a tradition.
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  • I don't want to take pictures with them. My mom is welcome to take pictures with them though (she is paying after all).
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  • I want close family and my mom close to my table during the reception and they will be seated farther away. We will all mingle during the reception anyway so I see no issue with this.
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  • I will say hello if they come up to me but I don't really want to chat with them on my big day. I don't know these people and I get uncomfortable/anxious around strangers. This is why we only invited people close to us. I get anxious talking to people I don't know. I sometimes even lose my voice and people can't hear me.
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  • I think, although I feel resentful that my mom keeps adopting other children to replace me, I'm trying to be reasonable. However, I'm not sure if my resentment is clouding my judgment. I don't want to hurt the feelings of these children, especially since they're innocent in all of this. At the same time, I don't want to treat them better than my other guests, who I actually have a personal connection with.
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  • EDIT: I think it is important to clarify that I have never met these people and she hasn't formally adopted any of the kids. She just calls it "adopting" them.
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  • UPDATE: Hi all! After a rough night and a tough decision. I thought this through more. I initially commented that I would just keep the rules so my mom can have people at the wedding. However, my mom has other
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  • friends coming to the wedding and family she and I both know. She will not be alone so I shouldn't feel too bad other than the money she has put in.
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Tags

family drama inheritance aita AITAH brother mother tradition siblings family feud favoritism wedding aunt in laws mother in law sister fiancé grandmother Father
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